Answers to a Prayer

Mr. God,
Me instead?
Thank you.
No seriously- no sarcasm.
I'm young and tough
and it does not scare me.
This is simple and early
and will be taken care of.
Thank you for putting it
somewhere else.
I CAN like so many other woman
Beat the odds.
Leave my daddy, my family alone.
I'm a fighter
damnit
and I can do it.
Thank you.

Mom, Dad

Mom, Dad- I'm Sorry.

I'm not supposed to be where I am.

Mom, Dad- I'm Sorry.

I snuggle my baby boy

My breast no longer nourishes him

I feed him his milk from a cup

He's full now but is that enough?

Mom, Dad- I'm Sorry.

I cannot make it on my own.

Mom, Dad- I'm Sorry.

You raised me right,

You did your best.

What happens next

We can only guess.

My daughter cries

In the middle of the night.

I pick her up,

I hold her tight.

She throws up

And I clean up.

Mom, Dad- I'm sorry.

My life is in distress

And I am a mess

Does it hurt you

I can only guess?

I told you news

Maybe I should have kept to myself.

Words like these seem so final

But I promise you guys

I will take care of us.

Mom, Dad- I'm sorry.

I need your help

Can't do this alone

The word is scary

and my life is hairy

I thought I had it all taken care of

But I know now

I am not where I am

Supposed to be

No don't whoas me!

Mom, Dad- I'm sorry.

I'll take care of this I promise.

Three babies depend on me and

You raised me to be a strong woman

That I'll be

I'll give back to you

What else can I promise you?

Oh, no.

Words.

Words are just words.

But for real.

Mom, Dad- I'm sorry.

Stage 0 isn't the end

I'm so lucky I still have friends

They will be there

Even if it is not fair

to them.

It'll all be over soon

I'll be back to my old moon.

Mom, Dad- I'm sorry.

Thirty-One and three kids later.

I should be better able

But I'm not and I have done my best

What happens next

Is only a guess.

Mom, Dad- Thank you.

Baby cries

I might sigh

It might sound mean

When I scream

I am only doing the best I can

With what I have

My three babies mean the world

For them I have taken more than I probably should

I want to be

a family

I want to be

free

My apron strings are loosening.

I told him all these things.

My little girl wakes up again.

I put her back to sleep once more.

I look back and then

Realize all the shut doors.

Mom, Dad- I'm sorry.

I am doing my best this time to do it right.

Won't give up without a fight.

You know I'm strong.

Never meant to do you wrong.

I could leave and do this on my own.

But you are my world and my home.

And so until you say

Otherwise

I'll be here

Surprise

Doing my best

No matter what others think

Mom, Dad- I'm sorry.

I hope I did not disappoint you.

I hope you are proud of me.

The things I do.

I hope you see.

But still.

Sometimes I think I should be more

and standing tough

On my own floor

and for that I say

Mom, Dad- I'm sorry.

I love you both

Hang in there tight.

We love you with all our might.

This isn't a silly rhyme to me

But something from reality.

Wish I was more than I am

But who you made me

DAMN

I know how proud, how you see

But for everything still,

Mom, Dad- I'm sorry.

Give me time

I'll make it right.

Eventually I will shine

Brighter than the moonlight.