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Monday, June 23, 2008

Dear God

Dear God,

We do not always agree you and I but I think we have a decent repertoire. Okay, so sometimes I yell at you and get angry. But I'm only human. And I don't ask for much. At least not material things. I pray for health and comfort and survival tactics. I have been poor and barely able to feed my kids for over a year and a half and I have not asked for things. Just survival.

I have not used a credit card in over two years. I almost lost my house, my husband, and more. But I did not ask you for any special favors.

I am asking you now.

You need to inform the doctors that they have made a GRAVE error. It is not CANCER. The mass is just due to the childhood tuberculosis and it can be taken care of and everything is okay.

My daddy will watch my children grow up. He will be at their college graduations and their weddings. This will bring joy to all of our lives.

You do not need him. Cancer does not need him. We do however and this is my request and prayer to you. Please fix this and make it okay. I will not give up. I take whatever you throw my way and live with the assumption it will make me stronger. But I will not lose my dad. Not now. No, not now.

My positive thinking will radiate around him tomorrow when he returns to the doctor and everything is going to be okay. Right God? You can do this favor for me, can't you? Whatever you need from me, whatever I can do to be a better person you can have.

You gave me three wonderful, beautiful (inside and out) children but this is not a barter. You cannot take my dad in return. Tell the doctors it was just an error and there is no cancer and I'll owe you big time.

Please God. I just want happiness and health for all those around me. I don't need meaningless shit, I need my family. He is my world and sunshine even at his most difficult. I am the closest to him and him to me and after all he has done for others in his lifetime please give him the chance to do more.

Give us all the chance.

Dear God, I pray to you. Please hear my prayers. Amen.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh.

I have no words for you. I'm thinking of you. I'm sending good vibes your way, and your dad's way. and your family's way.

good vibes. good good good vibes. the kind that heal and protect.

like neosporin vibes. yeah. sending you neosporin vibes.

Unknown said...

Good Afternoon, I found your Blog from Alex Year Two - I am moved by your letter and I am sad for your situation.

My MIL has terminal bone cancer and I need her daughter to read your blog. She is having a difficult time right now with the thought that 5 wonderful grandkids will miss out on important years with Grandma.

Please take comfort in knowing that your prayer will help someone else - I pray it helps you too.

Unknown said...

Sorry - I found you from Smells Like Blueberry Pancakes, which I found from Alex Year Two. Sometimes I click in so deep, I forget where I started!

Nanette said...

Thank you for your extra prayers, they seemed to have worked. The mass was not cancer as we had all hoped the diagnose was incorrect. Although we are surrounded with loved ones being taken away from us by the big C, it is hard not to jump to conclusions.

My heart and prayers go out to everyone that has gone through or is going through Cancer and is stronger because of it. And all of you around those people, never forget you are one of their Angels.